Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

“What result are you expecting from that?”

When someone says, “I want this,” you have to find out what they really need. You do this by asking “Why?” You can ask this question as many as five times, starting with “Why do you want to do that?” or “Why is this happening?”

Never, ever interrupt a productive silence!

People often complain about others and insist that they need to change. You have to shift them from criticism to solutions by asking, “What do you wish they would do more of?”

Ask, “If you were me, what would you do?” This may make the other person accept your decision more willingly.

“Maybe that's an answer you should consider, John,” I suggest. “It may take you a long time to forget—but I do recommend you put that option on the table. After all, didn't you say that's how you would like to be treated?”

“If the circumstances were turned around, John—how would you like to be treated?”

Never Look Back Unless You Plan to Live That Way

Before you tell someone what you think their plans should be.

When you need to understand the other person's intentions and priorities.

To be a great listener, follow these three principles:

Humility. The Indian spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi said, “To discover the truth, one must become as humble as the dust.” You must believe you can learn from every person you encounter.

Curiosity. As we grow older, our curiosity dies. The average five-year-old asks 200 questions a day. How many do you ask? Approach every situation with an intense sense of curiosity, and you will listen more.

Self-awareness. Your biases and prejudices will prevent you from listening to others. Women often make the decision about which new car to buy—yet, in a typical car dealership, the salespeople pay far more attention to the husband. Know yourself!