Jasmin Lee Cori

Virtually all children, even abused children, love their parents. It’s built into the nature of being a child. They may be hurt, disappointed, caught in destructive modes of being that ward off any possibility of getting the love they yearn for, but to be attached, even anxiously attached, is to be in love. Each year the love may become a little more difficult to access; each year the child may disavow his wish for connection more firmly; he may even swear off his parents and deny that he has any love for them at all; but the love is there, as is the longing to actively express it and to have it returned, hidden like a burning sun.

It is not what Mother does that is so critical, but rather her energetic presence and her love that are so important. Is she spaced out or angry while feeding her baby? When Mother is really there in a loving way, then Mommy’s milk and Mommy’s heart don’t feel separate. When she’s not there, her milk is not as sustaining. The baby may feel not quite right taking it, perhaps because it is not so freely given or because there’s something unwanted in the interaction that comes along with the milk.

Studies in Sweden found that even when a mother works outside the home and the father is the primary caretaker, babies still strongly prefer being with the mother.