For The Fans

But as it turns out, we were doing this for the fans… Because we turned out to be fans, too.

When I come back to Boston, it’ll be because I’m ready to face the world as me.
Gay. In love with my stepbrother. Sexual assault survivor. Football quarterback. Okay, that one didn’t change. But now I’ll be doing it for myself, instead of as a means to make my father less disgusted by me.

despite the fear of God in me, I couldn’t find it in myself to discourage my feelings. Because the way I saw it, God had made me. If he didn’t want me to feel excited by a playful shove in the locker room from another boy, then he shouldn’t have wired my brain that way. Simple.

I’d give up candy for the rest of my life for one more kiss… He’s all the sugar I need.

Religion has spread more hate in this world than love, and that is one of the saddest things I’ve ever experienced.

I could feel him pulling away. Resisting, because he thinks he’s broken.
He’s fucking not. And even if he is, so what?? I’d still do everything in my power to fix him, to make him mine. Because I just want him, broken or not.
I want all his uneven pieces.

I can see it all so clearly now.
I’m gay, and I’m in love with my stepbrother.
There it is.
Wow… This must be what really great drugs feel like.

My first slow dance… My own prom… With the quarterback of the football team as my date.
Jeez, I’m like every nerdy girl in every high school movie right now.
But I love it. I don’t even care, I’m in fucking love with it, because I’m in love with him, and fuck, I can’t believe I ever thought I could stop it from happening.

every time I look at him, my stomach flips and my skin buzzes and no matter how hard I’ve tried to push it away and pretend like it’s not there, it just seems to be getting fucking stronger, to the point where I feel like pieces of my anatomy are missing when I’m not with him…

I can barely even fathom what we’re talking about… What we’re dancing around like two relationship virgins, too terrified to say the actual words.