The Sacred Search

In contrast, Jesus taught us to base our decisions on something eternal: seeking God’s kingdom and His righteousness. Jesus’s words urge us to find someone with whom we can share a mission instead of an emotional infatuation. Instead of telling us to find someone who makes us lose all sense of objectivity, Jesus’s teachings direct us to make a decision that will lead to righteousness—to seek someone who will inspire us toward godliness, who will confront us when we go astray, who will forgive us when we mess up, who can encourage us with wisdom when we are uncertain about how to proceed.

You’re looking for character, not status; you want to find a man who is solid in his core, not just someone who has a solid title.

“I want you to sit down if you disagree with me that a man’s godliness should be one of the top two things a single woman should consider when choosing a mate.”

Unfortunately, ignoring your boyfriend’s weaknesses and gossiping about your husband’s failures are two sure paths to divorce.

Yet most women are not seeking men of character first. They are seeking men with whom they feel “in love.” If they do feel in love, they will excuse every fault they see in their man, trying to make the relationship work. If they do not feel in love, they will not seriously consider the man as a potential mate.

but we can choose how we manage it. We can feed it, starve it, indulge it, or test it.

How do you know if you’re in an infatuation? Here are the neurological markers according to Dr. Helen Fisher, a preeminent biological anthropologist who has written on the topic:

The way God made our brains, infatuation resembles an hourglass. The moment you become smitten by someone—the second you find yourself deeply “in love”—is the moment that hourglass gets turned over.

But then don’t get sucked into a counseling session where he might come back with

I’m not the one to discuss this with, and this isn’t the time or place, because whatever you do, it’s not going to change what’s happening here.”