I Wish He Had Come with Instructions

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

My book People Can’t Drive You Crazy If You Don’t Give Them the Keys focuses on the futility of basing our happiness on another person’s choices.

Synergy is different things coming together and forming something totally new without losing individuality.

Synergy is different things coming together and forming something totally new without losing individuality.

Relationships where differences are mostly criticized end up needing repair.

Relationships where differences are tolerated end up needing maintenance.

Relationships where differences are consistently celebrated thrive and grow.

How come nobody is telling women they need to step it up and become stronger, talk less, and get to solutions quicker?”

How come nobody is telling women they need to step it up and become stronger, talk less, and get to solutions quicker?”

every direction. If that happens, he won’t let you in his foxhole.

Use “I” messages when you’re sharing your thoughts rather than “you” messages. Saying, “You always clam up when we talk” makes a man feel attacked. “When our conversation stops I feel frustrated” is more accurate and keeps him off the defensive. Instead of saying, “You just don’t get it, do you?” say, “I wish I could express this more clearly.”

Be careful not to imply that he is wrong. Focus on what is wrong. He might be wrong, but will never admit it if he’s accused.

Don’t multitask during conflict. You can probably clean the kitchen while you’re working through a tough issue with your man, but he’ll feel like you’re distracted. His simple wiring that focuses on one thing at a time might mean that he needs your eye contact. If you’re not sure, ask him if it would be helpful if you just sat and connected.

At the same time, most men don’t do well just sitting and having a “serious” conversation. It’s safer if

Here are a few simple strategies that provide safety for a man during conflict:

Don’t back him into a corner and force him to express what he’s feeling. Give him space to process and he’ll usually let you in.

Be concise when talking during conflict. If there are too many words, a man feels overwhelmed and can’t focus. He feels like he’s in a foxhole and there are shots being fired from

If you lead with your heart, you’ll mess with his head. If you lead with your head, you’ll speak to his heart.